


Can't Love, Can't Hurt

by amgattz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:45:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5184239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amgattz/pseuds/amgattz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>According To Greek Mythology Zeus created the first humans with four arms, four legs, and two faces. Fearing their power Zeus split these creatures in half dooming them to forever searching the Earth for their other half, their soulmate.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. oo1;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _Hey we're just bleeding for nothing_  
>  _It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own_  
>  _We'll kill ourselves to find freedom_  
>  _You'll kill yourself to find anything at all_ \- Hey Now; Augustana

**Arya’s POV**

My parents had died when I was roughly seventeen. I had come home from my friend’s house to see my own house on fire. My mother and father were trapped inside and somehow my little sister had managed to get out. She’s been in a mental institution ever since it happened. She was never quite right after that, she kept muttering something about a man with yellow eyes braking into the house and then sealing it shut after she made it outside. The police had ruled the fire an accident and no one believed my sister, so they shipped her off. She was seven. They’ve pumped her with so much medication in that place that all she does is sit staring at the walls all day, still muttering about a man with yellow eyes.

 

From that day forward I tried to live my life as best as I could. I didn’t have any other family so I was sent into foster care for six months until I turned eighteen. That whole time I worked my ass off and added all my pay to the savings my parents had left me and the minute I became legal I left my foster home and got myself an apartment. It wasn’t too long later that I met Brian. We were inseparable for years and I really thought it was going to last forever with us. He proposed when we were twenty-four and I obviously accepted. We were in the process of buying a house and decided it was time to leave our sleepy Massachusetts town and head somewhere else to start our life together.

 

I wanted to bring my sister with me when we decided to leave but Brian fought me on it. Eventually I conceded with what he was saying. He was right after all; my sister was just a shell of her former self. She wasn’t my sweet little Bryn anymore. A few weeks before our move I was on my way home from work when I heard sirens coming from the direction of our apartment building. I sped over there as fast as I could and saw that the building was on fire. There were people outside the building and I was looking everywhere for Brian. I couldn’t find him anywhere. It seemed like hours before the fire was finally out and one of the officers came to me.

 

“Arya Ashwood?” he asked as he approached.

 

“Yes?” I asked swallowing the lump in my throat.

 

“I’m sorry, the fire started in your apartment,” he said, “Brian McLean wasn’t able to make it out.”

 

He continued to speak but I couldn’t hear anything. It was like everything was starting to close in around me. I was in such shock I couldn’t even wonder how the officer had known Brian’s name. Everything was destroyed in the fire and his name wasn’t on the lease. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling and when the officer put his hand on my shoulder before walking away I could have sworn I saw a flash of yellow in his eyes. I shook the thought from my head and walked back to my car, knowing these next weeks would be hard. I was silently thankful that most of our stuff was already shipped to our new house but the fact that Brian was no longer going to be living there with me tore me apart. I felt like a piece of me had been taken and I wasn’t sure I would be capable of coping. But I did. I coped and I moved forward. I attended the memorial services and paid my respects. I’m sure some people thought I was crazy for still moving into the house but I felt like I needed to, to keep that small piece of Brian with me.

 

So that’s why I was here, in Lawrence, Kansas, sweating through my t-shirt and moving all of my belongings into this empty house. The empty house I bought with the promise of a husband and children filling the rooms. For a split second I thought about just selling it and getting an apartment because a house this size was not meant for one person, but I shook the thought from my head because I wanted to live here. I bought the house for a reason and maybe I could still have a husband and fill it with children. I could still live the dream I had even if I didn’t have Brian. It would probably take a while but I’m sure I would get there eventually.

 

I finished bringing the boxes in and slowly started to unpack. I decided to start on the kitchen first and then move my way through the house hitting the bedroom last. I knew I still wouldn’t be able to handle going through his clothes even though I knew I had to. After spending a few hours unpacking the downstairs I decided to move the empty boxes, and the box I had marked and filled with Brian’s things, to the basement. While I was down there I found a box of old photos sitting on a bookshelf that one of the previous owners had left there. Figuring I needed a break I took the box out onto the front porch. I sat down on the top step and looked out at the street and lit a cigarette. I looked up and down the street and realized I had picked a pretty nice neighborhood. After sitting there for a few minutes I picked up the pictures in the box and looked through them. There was one of a man and a woman and then another one of the same couple with a baby and a little boy. I flipped it over and saw the writing on the back. _The Winchesters. John, Mary, Dean and Little Sammy._ I flipped it back over and looked at it again. They were a cute family. I finished my cigarette and put the pictures back into the box making a mental note to look up these Winchesters and mail the pictures to them. I’m sure they were missing them. I made my way back inside and started the daunting task of unpacking the bedroom. I was determined to have the house completely unpacked by the end of the night.

 


	2. oo2;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _I'm the blood in your veins_  
>  _I'm the cold when it rains_  
>  _I'm your heart when it breaks_  
>  _Time, no it ain't on our side_  
>  _I'm the truth to your lie_  
>  _I'm your tear when you cry_ \- I Still Ain't Over You; Augustana

**Arya’s POV**

I wasn’t much of a believer in what people would consider the ‘supernatural’. As far as I was concerned all of those things were just made up to scare us. So needless to say when the lights started flickering and I was hearing scratching and thumps I chalked it all up to faulty wiring and the house settling. It wasn’t until the garbage disposal stopped working and the plumber got his hand cut off and the thumping at night got louder and louder that I was starting to question my entire belief system. But I just pushed all thoughts of that aside and tried to go on with my daily life and it was all going fine until they showed up.

 

I was sitting on the front step smoking a cigarette and reading a book and just generally enjoying the fall day when I saw a black ’67 Chevy Impala pull up and park in front of the house across the street. I could hear the faint sound of Led Zeppelin coming from the car and thought nothing of it when they killed the engine. I went back to reading my book and heard the car doors slam. I figured whoever they were they were just here to see the people across the street so when two men came walking up to my front steps I was more than confused. They were both tall and they were both handsome. I took a good look at them as they approached me. The taller of the two had shaggy dark hair and beautiful hazel eyes but the shorter one, shorter was a figurative term seeing as he had at least a foot on me, had short brown hair and piercing green eyes. Something about his eyes captivated me as he looked at me. I tried not to stare too long and I went to say something but I couldn’t find the words.

 

“Can I help you?” I finally managed to say as I blew a stream of smoke above my head.

 

“Yeah I’m officer –“ Mr. green eyes said.

 

“I’m Sam Winchester,” the taller one said cutting him off, “and this is my brother Dean. We used to live here. We were in the area and wanted to see the old place.”

 

“Oh, uh…yeah come on in, I’m Arya,” I said putting my cigarette out, “did you say Winchester?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam said, “why?”

 

“I found a box with some of your old family pictures in the basement,” I said, “I was going to look you guys up and mail them to you. Remind me to give them to you before you leave.”

 

“Yeah no problem,” Sam said with a smile.

 

I lead them into the house and gave them a tour. It felt a little silly seeing as they used to live here but they wanted to see what was done with the place and I didn’t blame them. I would have done the same thing. We made our way back into the kitchen and I offered them each a beer. They accepted them and I went into the basement to grab the box of pictures. I brought the pictures back up and Sam and Dean were sitting at the kitchen table talking.

 

“Have you lived here long?” Sam asked.

 

“Just a few weeks,” I said getting myself a beer, “I moved here from Massachusetts.”

 

“That’s a pretty big move,” Sam said, “do you have any family in the area?”

 

“Nope,” I said with a sigh and leaned against the counter, “I just needed a fresh start.”

 

“Hell of a move to make for a fresh start,” Dean finally said.

 

He hadn’t said a word from the minute they got here. It was like he was uncomfortable being here. Or maybe he was feeling that same feeling I was any time I looked at him. It was like we couldn’t make eye contact. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling it was something more than just a general attraction, I couldn’t deny that there was a general attraction he was extremely attractive. But it was something much, much stronger, like we were connected somehow. I wasn’t sure what this was but I tried to push it from my mind as we were talking.

 

“Yeah well,” I said, “I needed a change of scenery.”

 

“How do you like it here so far?” Sam asked changing the subject; he could probably feel the tension between Dean and me.

 

“It’s alright,” I said, “no disrespect to your childhood home but the lights flicker and I’m pretty sure there’s rats or something in the basement. I’m just hearing constant scratching, but the house is old so it’s probably just settling.”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that,” Sam said.

 

“Right, well we should probably get going,” Dean said finishing his beer, “thanks for showing us the old place.”

 

“Uh, yeah no problem,” I said, “I’ll just show you guys out then.”

 

I picked up the pictures from the counter and lead the boys back to the front door. I handed the pictures to Dean and I felt that feeling stronger than ever as we locked eyes and his fingers grazed mine. He snatched his hand away quickly and put the pictures in his inside pocket of his brown leather jacket and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

 

“Thanks for the pictures,” Sam said, “it was nice meeting you Arya.”

 

“You too,” I said and smiled, “feel free to stop by if you guys are ever in the area again.”

 

“We will,” Sam said with a smile and they walked down the front steps.

 

I watched them get back into the Impala and drive off before grabbing my cigarettes and beer from the counter and going back outside. I sat down on the front step again and lit a cigarette and tried to figure out what that feeling I had was. I had never felt anything quite like that before and I wasn’t even sure what it was but the minute he left the feeling was gone and I felt drained. I had never felt so tired in my life. I put the cigarette out and went inside to take a nap.

 

**Dean’s POV**

“I knew it was a bad idea going back there, Sammy,” I said as we got into the car.

 

“So you agree, it’s definitely a malevolent spirit,” Sam said, “what if it’s the same thing that killed mom?”

 

“We don’t know if it’s what killed mom,” I spat back, “I’m more freaked out that your visions are coming true. That and something about Arya isn’t sitting right with me.”

 

“What do you mean?” he asked.

 

“Why would she move here from Massachusetts?” I said heading back toward our motel, “And into a house by herself? It doesn’t make any sense. And did you feel that while we were there?”

 

“Feel what, Dean?” he asked.

 

There was no way that I could have been the only person who felt it. The tension and that connection, it couldn’t have been just me. I mean, yeah she was hot but that wasn’t what was drawing me to her. I couldn’t even look her in the eye without feeling it and ever since we left I just felt drained, tired.

 

“The tension,” I said and parked.

 

I was in no way gonna be the first one to say anything about that connection. If he felt it he would bring it up.

 

“Yeah,” he said, “why was there so much tension between the two of you?”

 

“Hell if I know,” I said getting out of the car, “before we go interviewing people I need to take a nap.”

 

“A nap?” Sam said looking at me confused.

 

“Yeah a nap,” I shot back, “I’m tired.”

 

“Ok, ok,” he said raising his hands in defense, “whatever.”

 

We got back into the motel room and I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow.


	3. oo3;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _Anywhere you go, anyone you meet,_  
>  _Remember that your eyes can be your enemies,_  
>  _I said, hell is so close and heaven's out of reach_  
>  _But I ain't giving up quite yet,_  
>  _I've got too much to lose_ \- Sweet and Low; Augustana

**Arya’s POV**

It had been a few days since Sam and Dean had come by the house and it just seemed like everything just kept getting worse and worse. The lights were flickering more than ever, the TV was turning on by itself and doors were closing on their own. I was starting to get freaked out but I tried not to let it bother me. Instead I just spent more time praying than I normally did. Finally though I had reached the last straw. I was down in the basement doing the laundry when I heard something shuffling behind me. I turned around just in time to see the bookshelf coming down toward me. I jumped out of its way and it crashed to the floor. Standing behind it looked like a tall figure engulfed in flames. I dropped the basket and ran up the stairs as fast as I could. I grabbed my keys, purse, jacket, and cigarettes and decided I needed to get the hell out of this house. I threw the door open and saw Sam and Dean standing there with a woman.

 

“Hey guys I know I said that you could come by whenever but I’m kind of in a hurry,” I said taking the opportunity to put my black leather jacket on.

 

I could tell they knew I was trying to hide something. I also knew I was pale as a sheet and dripping in sweat but for some reason when I looked at Dean all the panic I had been feeling was slowly easing and I was starting to feel calm, safe. On top of that the feeling I had felt the other day felt like it had intensified ten-fold. I couldn’t explain it.

 

“Hey Arya,” Sam said obviously noticing my look of panic, “this is our friend Missouri.”

 

“If it’s not too much trouble we were hoping to show her the old house,” Dean said, “ya know for old times sake.”

 

“Yeah, well like I said, I’m in a hurry,” I said.

 

“Listen, Arya, it’s important,” Dean said putting his hand on my shoulder.

 

The second I felt his touch any last trace of panic was gone and I could feel the color returning to my face. What the hell was going on between us? Before I could say anything to him Missouri slapped him in the back of the head and he dropped his hand from my shoulder. The instant his hand moved the panic started to set in again, not quite as badly as before but it was creeping up on me.

 

“Give the poor girl a break can’t you see she’s upset?” Missouri said, “Forgive this boy, he means well he’s just not the sharpest tool in the shed. But hear me out.”

 

“About what?” I questioned.

 

“About this house,” she said.

 

“What about this house?” I asked starting to feel the panic and fear rise up again.

 

I tried to make eye contact with Dean to calm myself down because apparently that worked for some reason but he was avoiding my gaze. He was literally finding anything to look at other than me.

 

“I think you know what I’m talking about,” she said gently, “you think there’s something in this house. Something that’s here to hurt you, am I mistaken?”

 

“Who the hell are you?” I asked.

 

“We’re people who can help,” she said, “who can stop this thing, but you’re gonna have to trust us just a little.”

 

I was staring at her in disbelief but I took another chance and looked at Dean. He looked directly at me and nodded agreeing with what Missouri had said and I sighed backing up to let them in. I led them through a walk through of the house and was silently praying they wouldn’t find anything.

 

“Arya,” she said to me in one of the bedrooms while Sam and Dean were off in another room, “do you and Dean know each other? I mean from before the other day.”

 

“No,” I said, “why?”

 

“I sense something with the two of you,” she said, “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s there. I can sense a history. A connection.”

 

I looked at her confused and she just smiled at me. I knew I couldn’t hide from her that I knew exactly what she was talking about but I decided to play dumb anyway and she seemed to be fine with going along with it.

 

“Can you tell me what it is?” I said finally before we moved on to my bedroom.

 

“No,” she said, “I think it’s something the two of you need to work out on your own.”

 

She turned around and started toward my bedroom and I followed her meeting up with Sam and Dean in the hallway.

 

“There’s a dark energy around here, “ she said as she walked into my bedroom, “this room should be the center of it.”

 

“Why?” Sam asked.

 

“This used to be your nursery Sam,” she said, “this is where it all happened.”

 

“Where what happened?” I said chiming in.

 

“There was a fire,” Sam said, “I was six months old and something killed our mom. The fire started in here.”

 

I could tell he didn’t want to go into complete detail about it and I could see the look Dean was giving him that was telling him not to tell me too much. I just nodded not wanting to pry any further. I mean realistically it wasn’t any of my business. Missouri started walking around the room trying to decipher what was in there and Dean pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a small radio with lights covering the top. He turned it on and it made some kind of scanning noise.

 

“That a EMF?” Missouri asked.

 

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

 

“Amateur,” she said.

 

“EMF?” I said, “What are you guys like part of TAPS?”

 

“TAPS?” Sam questioned.

 

“Yeah, TAPS,” I said, “The Atlantic Paranormal Society. From the show Ghost Hunters.”

 

“You watch that shit?” Dean said with a laugh.

 

“Yes, I do,” I said crossing my arms over my chest, “well I used to. I stopped when I started living alone.”

 

“Well, we’re the real deal, no TV publicity stunt here,” Dean said and started walking around the room with it.

 

“I don’t know if you boys should be disappointed or relieved but this ain’t the thing that took your mom,” Missouri said.

 

Sam and Dean both looked at her concerned and I just kind of stood there leaning against the doorframe watching it all unfold. So clearly some paranormal thing started the fire and killed their mom and they were going after it. This was some of the weirdest shit I had ever experienced but I was just going to sit tight and not say a word.

 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked and Missouri nodded.

 

“How do you know?” he asked.

 

“It’s not the same energy I felt the last time I was here,” she said, “It’s something different.”

 

“What is it?” I asked not really sure I wanted to know the answer.

 

“Not it, them,” she said, “there’s more than one spirit in this place.”

 

More than one? I was already having trouble coming to terms with the fact that there could be one spirit in my house let alone two. I could feel the fear and panic trying it’s hardest to break through the calm that had taken over me from standing so close to Dean. I was sure that if he moved even an inch it would take over and I would be sitting on the floor shaking. How could this even be possible and why was I even believing them? If it wasn’t for what I had seen in the basement earlier I probably wouldn’t have even given any of this a second thought.

 

“What are they doing here?” Dean asked.

 

“They’re here because of what happened to your family,” she said, “and partly because of what happened to hers.”

 

“What happened to your family?” Dean said facing me.

 

I was almost going to tell them that I didn’t feel like talking about it but they told me about their mom so I only figured it was fair.

 

“Both my parents died in a house fire when I was seventeen,” I said, “and my fiancé died in a fire in our apartment a few weeks before I moved here. That’s why I’m here alone. He was supposed to be here with me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, me too,” Dean said turning back to Missouri, “but what does that have to do with these spirits?”

 

“Because child,” she said, “the same thing that took your mother killed her family. You see all those years ago real evil came to you and it walked this house. That kind of evil leaves wounds and sometimes wounds get infected.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Sam said looking from Missouri to me.

 

“When Arya moved in here it sensed what happened to her and just made that wound even more gaping. Her past mixed with yours drew them in, this house is a magnet for paranormal energy. And with so much of it it’s attracted a poltergeist, and a nasty one at that. And I’m sorry honey,” she said looking at me, “but it won’t rest until you’re dead.”

 

“But you said there were two spirits here,” I said getting even more confused and possibly a little bit hopeful.

 

“I know child, but it’s not what you’re thinking,” she said, “Brian’s spirit didn’t follow you here. I just can’t make out this second spirit.”

 

“Well one thing’s for damn sure,” Dean said putting his hand on my back and that fear and panic was once again gone, “nobody’s dying in this house, ever again. So whatever is here, how do we stop it?”

 

“Come back with me and I’ll show you,” Missouri said.

 

“What about me?” I asked and felt Dean’s hand drop and the panic take over once more, “I can’t stay here if it wants me dead.”

 

“She’s right,” Sam said.

 

“She will be fine here,” she said, “boys go out to the car I’ll meet you there. I need to talk to Arya for a minute.”

 

They both nodded and headed back outside. Missouri and I walked out to the front porch in silence and then she finally turned to me.

 

“I know this connection is confusing to you,” she said.

 

“That’s an understatement,” I said pulling the door shut and lighting a cigarette, “but if that thing wants me dead I can’t stay.”

 

“You will be fine, just like I told the boys,” she said, “this connection you have with Dean prevents this thing from hurting you. You’re needed for much bigger things. Whatever forged this connection between the two of you won’t let that thing kill you. I honestly think it’s only letting it stay here so the two of you could be brought together, but that doesn’t mean I want you to have to live with the thing. The boys and I will be back in a few hours and get this whole mess taken care of.”

 

“But –“ I started.

 

“I know, and you will get your answers eventually,” she said, “but today is not the day. You just have to trust me. Like I said earlier, you and Dean need to figure out this connection on your own.”

 

She turned and walked down the front steps and walked over to the Impala and got in. Dean was standing next to the driver’s side door just staring at me and once again that panic and fear was gone and just like before when they pulled away I was over come with exhaustion. I made my way back inside and decided to kill time by taking a nap on the couch.


	4. oo4;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _Well I've been running from something_  
>  _Twenty years in my car ___  
>  _Down a road that's leading me nowhere_  
>  _Yeah we drive through the farmland_  
>  _No one knows where we're from_  
>  _Could I kiss you and make you a queen?_  
>  _Or something in between_ \- Twenty Years; Augustana  
> 

**Dean’s POV**

We helped Missouri get everything together and headed back to Arya’s around four hours later. I rang the doorbell and the three of us waited for an answer. She opened the door looking disheveled. Her hair was a mess and her makeup was smudged. It looked like she just woke up; if she did I didn’t blame her. If I could have I would have went right to sleep when we got to Missouri’s earlier. She stepped aside and let us inside.

 

 “This isn’t going to be easy,” Missouri said, “it doesn’t like that we’re here and once it figures out what we’re doing it’s going to try everything to stop us.”

 

“So what do you need me to do?” Arya asked clearly ready to help.

 

“You need to get out of here,” Sam said, “We can’t risk you getting hurt. So go see a movie or something. Come back in a few hours.”

 

“Are you sure?” she questioned, “I can stay, I can help.”

 

“We’re sure,” I said, “just go.”

 

She nodded and shrugged on her black leather jacket. She grabbed her purse and keys and looked over at us, I knew she wanted to say something else but decided against it and walked out the front door. I watched her walk into her garage and pull out in a red ’64 Ford Mustang convertible and pull out of the driveway. I had to say I was impressed with the car she drove. She stopped at the end of the driveway looking back at the house one more time. I nodded at her and she pulled out onto the street. Once I couldn’t see her car anymore I felt another huge wave of exhaustion take over. This was something I couldn’t get used to and I didn’t like that I couldn’t explain it but I knew I had to fight through it because Sam wanted to protect this girl. At this point I had to follow through with what we started because I couldn’t let the case go untouched but I was in no way doing it for her. Everything about her made me uncomfortable. I didn’t like the effect she had on me. In fact I’m pretty sure the only redeeming quality about her was her car. But Sam wanted to help and I wasn’t going to let him do it alone. I knew it was a bad idea coming back here, we should have left Lawrence, Kansas well enough alone.

 

**Arya’s POV**

I pulled up in front of the local bar and decided I could spend a few hours having a few drinks to pass the time. I was more than annoyed that they wouldn’t let me stay and help but I guess at the same time I could understand. No need for an innocent bystander to get hurt, except I knew I wasn’t going to get hurt. Missouri had said the thing couldn’t hurt me. I knew she didn’t tell them that so it was better for me to just go and let the professionals handle things.

 

Professional ghost hunters, now that was something to wrap my head around. I had been so wrapped up in everything that was happening today that I didn’t give myself any time to process what was happening. There was a poltergeist in my house, I had some kind of supernatural connection to an extremely attractive man and him, his brother and some woman were alone in my house trying to get rid of the thing. Most people would have just laughed in their faces and told them to get out and under normal circumstances I would have done just that. Seeing what I had seen earlier in the day was the only reason why I was even going along with this.

 

I sat down at the bar and ordered myself a Southern Comfort on the rocks and tried to work through what was going on. I pulled out my journal and a pen from my purse and started to write everything down. It was my way of coping with things and trying to make sense of them. This connection I was feeling with Dean was something big I could feel it and the fact that Missouri had said as much just confirmed my feelings. It was definitely something otherworldly, but what it could have been I wasn’t sure. I tried my best to figure it out.

 

I had been sitting at the bar for over an hour and was on my third glass of Southern Comfort when I felt a pit in my stomach. It was an uncomfortable anxious feeling and I just knew Dean was in danger. I couldn’t explain how I knew but I just did. I downed the rest of my drink and paid the tab before rushing out to my car. I jumped into the driver’s seat and shakily lit a cigarette. I had never felt so anxious in my life. I turned up the radio to try and calm my nerves and the sounds of Crazy Train by Black Sabbath filled my car. Part of me knew it wasn’t going to help but I turned it up louder anyway. I threw the car in drive and sped off in the direction of my house.

 

I flew into my driveway and killed the engine. I ran up to the front door and my heart was pounding. I felt like I was going to vomit. I had never been so anxious in my life. What the hell was this? I didn’t like this feeling one bit but deep down I knew that once I saw that Dean was fine it would go away. None of it made any sense but my adrenaline was pumping so hard I could barely think straight. I turned the doorknob and tried to push the door open but it wouldn’t budge. I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door and it still wouldn’t open. The sense of panic I was feeling was escalating by the second. I could hear the sounds of things crashing and breaking inside and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I was trying everything I could do to get inside and nothing was working. Eventually I gave up trying to get in the house and the rational part of my brain knew if I started pounding on the door or kicking it my neighbors might think I was a psycho so despite my increasing anxiety I sat on my bottom step and chain smoked to try and calm my nerves and wait it out until everything was over.

 

It felt like an eternity before I heard the commotion stop and the door open. I spun around and saw Dean standing in the doorway. The rush of relief that spread over me was incredible. Whatever this connection between Dean and I was I knew I wanted it broken in that second. There was no way I was going to be able to live with these ridiculous heightened emotions for what was probably going to be forever. I put my cigarette out and rushed over to him. I felt the urge to hug him to just have him as close to me as possible to make sure he really was fine but I fought it. Doing something like that to someone you barely knew was definitely frowned upon and I just didn’t feel like being a creep today.

 

“How did it go?” I asked him trying to sound as casual as possible.

 

I was silently hoping he didn’t hear my voice crack because for some reason I was on the verge of tears. As soon as I could get her alone I was going to ask Missouri to explain this to me even if she didn’t want to. I needed answers so I could figure out how the hell I could get rid of it.

 

“Fine,” he said, “you should be alright now. The thing is gone.”

 

“Perfect,” I said with a smile, “well, uh, thanks.”

 

“No problem,” He said with a sigh.

 

I finally looked past him and noticed my house was in shambles. A good chunk of my stuff was broken and everything was pretty much everywhere.

 

“What the hell did you guys do?” I asked and it came out a lot harsher than I intended.

 

“Sorry about that,” Sam said coming up behind Dean, “we’ll pay for everything.”

 

“And Dean will start cleaning all of this mess up,” Missouri said, “won’t you, Dean?”

 

“Well I –“ Dean started but she cut him off.

 

“Go on!” She said, “Get a broom, I need to talk to Arya alone.”

 

Dean nodded at her and glanced at me before dragging Sam with him to start cleaning up my wreck of a house.

 

“Don’t you cuss at me boy!” She shouted to Dean as she joined my on my front steps closing the door behind her, “You can’t get rid of it, child. I know you want to but you can’t.”

 

“But what is it?” I asked, “Maybe if I knew what it was I could figure out a way to understand it.”

 

“Like I said before, in time you will figure it out, but it can’t be me telling you out right,” she said, “It is something you can deal with Arya, I promise. I know it seems overwhelming but you’ll get used to it, trust me on that.”

 

“I don’t want to have anything to get used to,” I said.

 

“Hush child,” she said, “it’s the way it’s supposed to be and you’re just going to have to suck it up.”

 

“But –“ I tried to protest.

 

“Now, lets go help those boys get your house back in order,” she said.

 

I knew I wasn’t going to get any answers out of her so I conceded and followed her into my house to help Sam and Dean clean up the mess they made.


	5. oo5;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _Climb up on a mountain, just to watch it come down_  
>  _But sooner or later babe, you're gonna need me around_  
>  _'Cause you're getting older, there ain't no stopping that_  
>  _It's a backstabbing world honey, just lean your head back_ \- Meet You There; Augustana

**Arya’s POV**

Once all of us finished cleaning up my house I thanked them all profusely and said my goodbyes. I hugged Missouri and Sam and then turned to Dean. We both looked at each other awkwardly, not entirely sure what to do but I decided to take the lead and hug him. The feeling was electric, like we needed to be closer to each other and I knew he felt it too because he hugged me tighter, almost as if he was afraid I was going to disappear. Sam cleared his throat and we begrudgingly separated. I said goodbye and thank you one more time before they walked back out to the Impala and left. I honestly thought that was going to be the last time I saw the Winchester boys.

 

I closed and locked the front door behind me and walked into the kitchen. I opened the oak cabinet above my microwave and retrieved a long stemmed wine glass before shutting the cabinet and moving over to the wine rack next to my sink. I pulled out a bottle of merlot and opened my cutlery drawer to grab the corkscrew when I thought I heard something. I shrugged it off thinking it had to do with everything that had happened in the last few days. Missouri had said that the thing couldn’t hurt me and Dean had said it was taken care of. I uncorked the bottle of wine and poured myself a glass. I went to put the cork back in the bottle but decided against it and brought the bottle with me. I stopped into the living room and picked up my journal from the end table next to the couch and walked upstairs to the bathroom. I decided that a few glasses of wine, a nice hot bath, and some writing would be the perfect way to unwind from these ridiculous past few days. I drew myself a nice hot bath and almost decided against getting in it due to how tired I was but I fought the fatigue and got undressed. I really needed to de-stress and relax. I slowly submerged myself into the hot water and once I was comfortable to a long sip from the wine glass. After sitting there and relaxing for a few minutes I grabbed my journal from the floor next to the tub and placed it on the tub’s ledge and started to write, picking up right where I left off at the bar. I had refilled my wine glass and took another sip and began writing. I was filling page after page with words about how I was feeling and the things that had happened when I thought I heard the front door slam. I looked up from the journal and glanced over at the half empty bottle of wine. I decided it was probably the wine that was making me hear things and went back to my writing; I spent a few more minutes in the tub before getting out and setting my journal on top of the hamper. I dried off and made my way into my bedroom. I put on a pair of underwear and a Metallica t-shirt and climbed into bed never wanting to sleep more in my life.

 

**Dean’s POV**

I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling I was having ever since we had left Arya’s house. I knew part of it was because I was freaked out by the way I felt when she hugged me. I didn’t want to let her go. It felt right to have her in my arms and that scared the living shit out of me. I tried pushing that out of my mind and tried to focus on why I was feeling so anxious. Eventually my heart rate was rising and I started to have a full-blown panic attack when I grabbed the duffle bag from the foot of my motel bed and started shoving all of our gear into it.

 

“What are you doing?” Sam asked looking up from his laptop.

 

“We need to go,” I said through gritted teeth, my anxiety was about to reach extremely high proportions if we didn’t get to Arya soon.

 

“Go where?” Sam asked looking at me concerned as I tore through the room making sure we had everything.

 

“To Arya’s,” I spat at him looking for the car keys, “I can’t explain why I know this but she’s in danger.”

 

“Dean, you sound ridiculous right now,” he said shutting his laptop, “we got rid of the poltergeist, she’s fine.”

 

“Except she’s not, Sammy,” I said finally finding the car keys on the floor next to the bed, “now lets go.”

 

“Alright,” he said with a sigh as he followed me out of the motel room door.

 

I threw the duffle in the trunk and slid into the driver’s seat. Sam climbed into the passenger seat and had barely shut the door when I was speeding out of the parking lot toward Arya’s house. We pulled up in front of the house across the street from hers and I killed the engine. I was about to get out of the car when Sam pushed me back into the seat.

 

“We have to go in there,” I said to him as my hands started to shake and I began to sweat.

 

“Dean there’s nothing even going on over there,” Sam said looking past me at the house, “all the lights are off.”

 

“No,” I said fighting back the urge to vomit, “this is not ok, she is not ok!”

 

“Dean, what the hell has gotten into you?” Sam asked me concern plastered across his face.

 

I was about to answer when I saw Sam’s look change from concern to panic. I whipped my head around so fast I was probably going to be feeling it tomorrow. I looked up at Arya’s house and saw her screaming and pounding on her bedroom window. I ripped the car door open faster than I even knew was possible and sprinted up the front steps. I tried the door but it was locked and Sam pushed me aside and kicked the front door in.

 

“Arya!” I shouted as I ran up the stairs.

 

“Dean!” I heard her scream back as I approached her bedroom door.

 

I could see the door handle jiggling and I grabbed it trying to twist Sam standing right behind me trying to figure out what he could do to help.

 

“Arya, open the door!” I shouted at her in a panic.

 

“I can’t! I can’t open it!” she said, her voice thick from crying, she was terrified and that only increased my anxiety.

 

“Alright stand back,” I said taking two steps back from the door.

 

Adrenaline pumping through my veins and my anxiety at an all time high was what fueled me. I broke the door down with one swift kick and ran to Arya. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her out of the room as a flaming figure emerged from her closet.

 

“Sam, let’s go! We have to get her out of the house!” I said as Sam stood there staring at the figure.

 

“I’ll try and fend it off,” Sam replied backing out of the room, “get her to safety and then get your ass back in here.”

 

I nodded and ushered Arya toward the stairs, Sam right on my heels. I got her out of the house and followed her out onto the lawn. I grabbed a gun from the trunk of the Impala and turned around to help Sam out when I saw him coming toward the front door. He was about to cross the threshold when he was dropped to the ground and dragged backward the door slamming behind him.

 

**Arya’s POV**

I saw the look of panic on Dean’s face as the door slammed shut sealing Sam inside. At this point a crowd had gathered outside of my house and I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I was in my underwear. Dean ran back to the Impala and came back carrying an axe and a pair of plaid pajama pants.

 

“Put these on,” he said handing me the pants.

 

I quickly pulled the pants on as Dean walked toward my front door carrying the axe in one hand and the shotgun in the other.

 

“Dean!” I shouted and he turned around, “Let me help! Please let me do something!”

 

I could tell he was fighting with the idea of me going back into the house but I needed to help Sam and I could feel my anxiety increasing as he approached the door and I had the feeling that we would both be better off if we went in there together. I knew he didn’t want me to do anything but decided I would do better with him than out here alone and he tossed me the shotgun.

 

“You shoot when I tell you to shoot,” he said as I approached him, “you understand me?”

 

I nodded and he started hacking at my front door calling out to Sam telling him we would be there to help and to just hang on. Once he had finally broken the door down I followed him inside and he gave me a quick run down on how to use the shotgun but I cut him off.

 

“I know how to use a gun,” I said, “I used to hunt with my dad, I’m not completely useless.”

 

I saw him flash a small smile as we walked toward my kitchen. I saw Sam get flung into my wall and an invisible force was holding him there. I positioned the gun, ready to fire when Dean gave the ok, when the flaming figure appeared and began to walk toward the three of us. My finger was on the trigger and I glanced at Dean, he nodded and just as I was about to shoot Sam stopped me stating that he knew who it was. I looked at Dean and he looked just as confused as I was but nodded at me and I lowered the gun. The fire surrounding the figure started to diminish and was instead replaced by a beautiful blonde woman wearing a white nightgown.

 

“Mom?” Dean barely choked out.

 

“Dean,” she said finally closing the gap between us and touched his cheek.

 

I looked over at Sam and saw a sad smile spreading across his face.

 

“Sam,” their mother said looking at him, “I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?” Sam questioned clearly on the verge of tears.

 

Their mother, or well her spirit, simply smiled at him and walked a few steps back as a growl echoed through the room.

 

“And you,” she said looking at the ceiling, “get out of my house and let go of my son.”

 

She was engulfed in flames once more and the growling got louder. Suddenly the flames were on the ceiling and then they stopped. Sam was released from the wall and I just knew it was finally over. We all let out a collective breath and I handed Dean back the shotgun. I could see the sun starting to rise through the window and within seconds Dean was on the phone calling Missouri asking her to come by to make sure everything really was gone. She arrived around 15 minutes later and as she walked through the house I pulled Dean aside to talk to him.

 

“Ok,” I said taking a deep breath, “this is gonna sound completely asinine and absurd and you can tell me to shut up whenever you please but just hear me out.”

 

“Ok?” he said clearly confused.

 

“I want to come with you guys,” I said pulling my hair up into a messy bun, something I did when I was nervous.

 

“No,” he said firmly, “absolutely not. You could get killed. What we do is dangerous, Arya.”

 

“I can clearly see that,” I replied crossing my arms, “just listen to me. I know you feel whatever it is that’s between us and don’t even try to deny it. I just think it would just be easier on both of us if we were together.”

 

“And what makes you think that,” he said clearly taken aback, but I knew he was feeling what I had felt because he wasn’t protesting.

 

“Missouri told me that we have some kind of bond or some shit,” I said pulling up the pants he had lent me tying the string tighter to prevent them from falling again, “she said we need to figure it out on our own and won’t tell me jack shit, but for some reason I trust her on this.”

 

“Well, she’s made it pretty clear she’s the real deal,” he said with a sigh.

 

I stood there staring at him for what seemed like forever as he thought about what I said.

 

“Fine,” he said leaning against my living room doorframe, “go pack a bag, but if you get in our way or get hurt, you’re getting in your car and driving your ass right back here. Do you understand me?”

 

“I’m not a fucking child, Dean,” I spat at him, “but yes I understand you.”

 

“Good,” he said pushing himself off the frame and headed toward the front door, “we leave in fifteen.”

 

I nodded at him and watched him walk out the door before sprinting upstairs to pack a duffle bag with all of my essentials. I was pretty sure what I was doing was insane but it was too late to turn back now. I decided to head out with the Winchesters and I was going to make sure not to fuck it up.


	6. oo6;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> _There you were in your black dress_  
>  _Moving slow to the sadness_  
>  _I could watch you dance for hours_  
>  _I could take you by my side_ \- Fire; Augustana

**Arya’s POV**

I double and triple checked the house making sure I had everything before making my way out to my car. Sam and Dean were already in the Impala and I didn’t even have to look at them to know that Dean had a pissed off look on his face because I was taking so long. I just wanted to make sure I had everything because I didn’t know how long I would be gone for or if I was ever going to be coming back. I threw the last of my duffle bags into my trunk and slammed it shut before sliding into the driver’s seat. I put the key in the ignition and turned it. I turned on the radio an adjusted my rearview mirror glancing in it momentarily to see Dean tapping on his steering wheel clearly becoming impatient with me. I sighed and took one last look at my house before throwing the car into reverse and pulling out of the driveway. I let Dean pull in front of me and followed close behind him.

 

As I pulled onto the highway, the soft sounds of some 80s ballad drifting through the car, I started to think about the rash decision I had made. Was it a smart move for me to leave the new life I was trying to build and run off with two pretty much strangers? Definitely not. I knew that this was probably the stupidest thing I could have possibly done but something in the back of my mind was telling me that I had made the right choice. Not just because I was going to be spending copious amounts of time with Dean, something I was not looking forward to because he just seemed to hate me, but because maybe there was a slim chance that I could help them save another person from a fate like ours.

 

As the hours passed and I tailed the Impala trying to keep up with Dean’s unnecessary speeding I did a lot of thinking. The more I thought about it the more I realized that my sister wasn’t imagining seeing the man with the yellow eyes. I hadn’t imagined it the day my apartment caught on fire either. I think everything Missouri had said to us was finally sinking in. Whatever took their mother was the same thing that killed my family and I was starting to think it had something to do with the man with the yellow eyes. I knew the boys were hunting whatever it was that took their mom; they didn’t have to tell me that, it was pretty obvious. I was more than happy to help them do it, and for the first time since I was seventeen I wanted revenge. It wasn’t a feeling I was accustomed too. The rage I was starting to feel inside me was strange. Eight years of grief and frustration was finally coming into focus, so much so that I almost missed Dean taking an exit off of the highway.

 

I followed him through the roads of this backwater town in some midwestern state. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts I had literally no idea where we were. I pulled into a motel parking lot and parked my car in the spot next to the Impala. I climbed out of the driver’s seat and stretched my limbs relishing in how great it felt to loosen up. I shut the car door and leaned against it as I waited for Sam and Dean to finish their conversation and get out of the car. Sam got out first and walked over to me. He greeted me with a smile and when Dean joined us we walked into the motel lobby to get rooms. The desk clerk handed us our keys and we walked toward our rooms. Sam and Dean entered one room and I entered the room next door. We all decided it would be a good idea to get some rest before we continued on our search or found another case. I hadn’t realized how exhausted I was until I closed the door behind me and saw the motel bed. I hadn’t slept since before all of this ridiculous shit happened and I was more than ready to sleep. I dropped my duffle bags on the floor next to the bed and collapsed face first onto it letting the much-needed sleep drag me under.

 

**Dean’s POV**

I collapsed on the motel bed wanting nothing more than to sleep but it just wasn’t coming. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence for me but that didn’t mean I ever got used to it. Sam was out like a light and I let my mind wander to Arya as I scanned my way through dad’s journal. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, I barely knew her, but I just didn’t want to get attached to anyone. To be honest she took me off guard when she asked to come with us. I didn’t think it was a good idea but I had to admit that she made some pretty valid points and that was the only reason I agreed to this idiotic arrangement, but I would also be lying if I said that part of me didn’t agree to it because she looked adorable standing there in my pajama pants that were too big for her. I tried my hardest to shake this feeling of wanting her close to me. It made me extremely uncomfortable and this connection we had I knew in the end it would lead to one of us getting killed. I could see her making me vulnerable; clouding my judgment and I already had enough of that with Sam. I shook my head, trying to clear all thoughts of her from it, and continued on reading through the journal looking for any leads on the thing that killed mom.

 

It had to have been a few hours at least that I was sitting there flipping through the journal praying for sleep when I heard the whimpering. It was subtle at first and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I thought that my sleep deprived brain was what was causing me to hear these things until the whimpering turned in to strangled cries and it was coming from Arya’s room. I jumped out of bed and pulled my gun from under my pillow and debated waking Sam for a split second before deciding against it. I slipped out of the room quietly and went to Arya’s door. I pounded on it and received no answer. The cries got louder and I knew I had to get in there. I pulled out my lock picking kit, not wanting to explain to the motel manager why I was kicking down doors in the middle of the day, and quickly unlocked her door.

 

I lifted my gun expecting to see someone or something attacking her, but instead I was greeted with her sleeping form tossing and turning against the sheets. She was clearly having a nightmare and I lowered my weapon and closed the door behind me. I walked over to her bed and sat down next to her placing my hand against her back. She stopped thrashing but her body was still shaking with sobs. I shook her gently and her eyes sprung open. Her face was wet with tears and when she locked eyes with mine I could instantaneously see the relief that washed over her features. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was happy to see me or if it was because it was me and not someone trying to kill her. In less than a second tears were spilling over once again and I instinctively pulled her to my chest.

 

I knew how nightmares could be. I lived in this life long enough to know that you’re never one hundred percent okay with everything you experience. It can take a lot out of a person, especially someone who was thrown into this without any warning. I felt her soaking my t-shirt with her tears as she gripped the fabric of my flannel in her hands. I pulled her closer to me and rubbed her back hoping it would help calm her down. Eventually the tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal but I decided to sit there and continue to hold her anyway. She didn’t seem to protest and I knew it was partly because of this stupid connection we have. But, it was in that moment that I knew I was never going to let her go, she was going to be my Achilles heel.


	7. oo7;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _'cause either way I'll break your heart someday_   
>  _But leaving you is the last thing on my mind_   
>  _So when I go_   
>  _baby kiss real slow so I don't forget to make my way back home_   
> 

**Arya’s POV**

It was difficult at first for me to believe that all of those monsters that I was afraid of when I was a kid were real, but after spending the last five months with the Winchester brothers it didn’t take much convincing. So as I was sitting in their family friend, Bobby’s den flipping through lore books it didn’t surprise me when a demon kicked down the front door and barged into the house. The boys had managed to trap her and tie her to a chair to exorcise her. It took a while but once the demon was out they were able to find the location of their missing father. I was basically ordered by Dean to stay at Bobby’s while they took care of it and I was going to protest until Sam gave me a look that basically reiterated everything Dean said.

 

I watched them walk out the front door and then went to help Bobby bury the dead girl that the Demon had possessed. Once we were finished Bobby had shown me to the room I would be staying in and I fell asleep on the bed almost instantly. I had forgotten the weird tired phenomena that happened whenever Dean and I were apart. It had been so long and I still couldn’t get used to it. I had no idea how long I had been asleep but it must have been hours because when I woke up it was pitch black outside. I had made my way back downstairs to see if Bobby was awake when I felt the familiar feeling of anxiety boiling up inside of me.

 

I sat down on the bottom step and tried to even out my breathing in an attempt to calm down but nothing was working. Dean was in trouble, I just knew it, but it felt different this time. It felt like I was slowly starting to lose a piece of me. Something was slowly slipping away and I felt like I was going to lose consciousness. I had started to cry and I guess Bobby had heard me because he came running out from his den with a bottle of whisky in his hand.

 

“Arya?” he asked, “What the hell happened?”

 

“I-I don’t know,” I stammered, “Dean…”

 

“What about Dean?” he questioned kneeling down in front of me.

 

“He…he’s in tr-trouble, Bobby,” I choked out.

 

“What kind of trouble?” he asked starting to worry.

 

“I don’t know!” I shouted, exasperated, “But I just know he’s in trouble.”

 

“How do you know?” he asked.

 

“This is gonna sound fucking insane,” I said furiously wiping the tears from my face, “but I can feel it. Don’t ask me how because I have no idea but I’ve been able to feel it since the minute I met him. But it feels different this time, Bobby. It feels…bigger. Something is really not right. I need to find him.”

 

I shot up from the step nearly knocking Bobby over and started to run up the stairs, ready to pack.

 

“Arya, slow down,” he said catching up to me, “you have no idea where the hell they are and for all you know he could be perfectly fine.”

 

“Then explain how every single time I have felt like this he was in immediate danger?!” I shouted spinning around to face him, “But this time, it feels different and I don’t like it one bit. I’ve given up on trying to figure out why I have this weird connection with him but I have it and he’s in fucking trouble!”

 

“Relax, alright?” Bobby practically shouted at me, “I think I’ve heard of something like this before, I’ll look into it. Why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air and wait for one of them to call. They always do.”

 

I sighed and nodded and he walked down the stairs and went back into his den. I walked into the room I was staying in and grabbed my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I went to walk out of the room when I noticed a sweatshirt hanging out of my bag. I went over to it, pulled it out and held it in front of me to look at it. I noticed immediately that it was Deans and it had somehow gotten into my bag. Just holding the fabric between my fingers seemed to help calm me down a little and I pulled it on and made my way outside.

 

I sat down on Bobby’s front steps and lit a cigarette. As I sat there smoking, trying to calm myself down, and secretly waiting for my cell phone to ring I let my mind wander. I had been through a lot in the last five months. I had changed as a person and the way I had felt about Dean was changing, too. At first I was annoyed with him and sort of hated him but I was definitely attracted to him. Now, I was pretty sure I was in love with him. I wasn’t sure how or when it happened, but it did, and I think that’s why I was even more freaked out about the feeling this time around.

 

I don’t know how long I was sitting there but I watched the sun rise and smoked half a pack of cigarettes and it seemed like the longer I sat there the more empty I started to feel. The anxiety was fading and I was slowly starting to feel numb, like there was almost nothing left of me and that’s when I heard the whispering. It was barely audible and it sounded almost like white noise. I was about to freak out but then I heard the front door open and the whispering stopped.

 

“I think I’ve got it figured out,” I heard Bobby say, “come inside, I’ll try my best to explain it, besides you’ve been sitting out here for hours.”

 

I sighed and stood up. I looked at my phone one last time and shoved it into my pocket before following Bobby inside. I walked into his den and there were at least a dozen books spread out across his desk and table. Bobby walked over to the desk and picked up a book and started searching the page for what he was looking for.

 

“Soul mates,” he finally said looking up at me, “can feel when their counterpart is in danger. It often manifests as extreme anxiety and panic. Other known connections include: extreme fatigue during separation, physical weakness when separated, feeling of emptiness when their partner dies.”

 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing it didn’t make any sense. Soul mates? How was that even a real thing? My entire life I had believed that that was just some Greek myth about Zeus fearing human kind’s power. I just stared at Bobby in disbelief. This couldn’t be true. He handed me the book and I scanned the page myself taking in every word.

 

“It says here that soul mates have to be made for a higher purpose,” I said looking at Bobby, “who makes them?”

 

“No one knows,” he said sitting down behind his desk, “I’ve looked through all the lore and I couldn’t find anything. All I know is it’s the only thing that fits with what you’re going through and if I’m right about this, which I think I am, then Dean really is in trouble.”

 

It was like someone knew what we were talking about because as soon as Bobby stopped talking my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw Sam’s name flash on the screen.

 

“Sam!?” I practically shouted as I answered the phone and felt the tears start to fall again, “Are you alright? Is Dean alright? What about your Dad? Did you find him?”

 

“Arya, relax,” Sam said, “I’m fine and so is my dad, we found him. We were on our way back to you when we got into an accident. Dean on the other hand – “

 

“Sam, what’s wrong with him?” I asked barely above a whisper.

 

“He’s…he’s dying, Arya,” Sam said his voice tight.

 

“Where are you?” I asked as the tears started to fall and the sudden numbness started to make sense, “I’ll be there right away.”

 

“Come with Bobby, Baby is gonna need a tow,” he said and told me where to meet him and asked to talk to Bobby.

 

I handed him the phone and practically sprinted up the stairs and started shoving all of my stuff into my duffle bag. I had decided in that moment that no matter what either of those boys said I was never being left behind again. A few minutes later I was out the front door and behind the driver’s seat of my car. Bobby came to my window and handed me my phone before getting into his tow truck. I followed him off of the property and onto the road.

 

It took a little over an hour but we finally reached Sam. After him and Bobby talked for a few minutes I was following Sam to the hospital. I practically ran in front of him into Dean’s room and I wanted to throw up when I saw him. The sight of all the tubes hooked up to him made me physically sick and I had to suppress it as I went to sit next to his bed. I sat down in the chair and grabbed his hand and my anxiety was completely gone but that numbness was starting to get stronger. The empty feeling was starting to consume me and I knew this could only mean one thing.

 

The next thing I knew the heart monitor was beeping signaling that he flat lined and I started screaming for help. Nurses and doctors came rushing into the room and pushed me out. Sam came running up behind me a second later just as the doctor had ripped open Dean’s shirt ready to apply the paddles, trying to jump start his heart. The emptiness was consuming me and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I felt like I was going to black out. The only thing keeping me standing was Sam’s arm around my shoulder pulling me close to his chest. I knew he was crying too from the erratic breaths he was taking. Thankfully it was all over as quickly as it started. They managed to kick start his heart and I felt like a whole new wave of life had taken over me. The emptiness started to subside and I turned to look at Sam.

 

“We have to fix him,” I said.

 

“You really love him, don’t you?” Sam asked me at the exact same time.

 

“Uh…” I said completely taken aback, “how…how did you?”

 

“I can see the way you look at him,” he said with a small smile, “go, sit with him, I’m gonna figure this out.”

 

I gave Sam a small smile and went back to my seat next to Dean’s bed. I grabbed his hand once again and laid my head on the bed next to his arm. In seconds I was asleep. I was woken up by Dean’s hand being ripped out of mine and the blanket being pulled from beneath my head. I sat up and immediately looked at Dean. He was sitting up clearly very much alive. I felt the smile spreading across my lips as the emptiness started fading and I began feeling like my old self. I looked over at Sam and he returned the smile. Dean’s hand found mine again as he looked over at me.

 

“I thought I told you to stay at Bobby’s,” he said trying to sound stern.

 

“Yeah well, when Sam called I got here as fast as I could,” I said pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

 

Just then their father appeared in the doorway. He stood there with a smile on his face and I gave Dean’s hand a squeeze before excusing myself to give the Winchester family some time alone. 


	8. oo8;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _If you can't trust the wind, who can you trust?_   
>  _If you can't love sin, who can you love?_   
>  _If I begin will you let me finish up?_   
>  _If I fell down would you pick me up?_   
>  _If I don't drink from a silver cup, like you,_   
>  _Would you say so long, farewell, and good luck?_   
> 

**Arya’s POV**

I was making my way back to Dean’s room after getting a cup of coffee when I heard Sam screaming for help. I saw Dean poking his head out of his room as the doctors and nurses came rushing past. I made my way over to him and helped him walk over to the commotion. Sam quickly joined us as the medical staff pushed him out of the room. Sprawled out on the floor was the limp body of John Winchester. Sam was crying and I could feel Dean shaking as he leaned against me. After a few minutes of the doctor trying to resuscitate John he called time of death. Everything after that seemed to happen pretty quickly. Dean filled out paperwork and the hospital released the body to us and we were on our way. Sam opted to ride with me to give his brother some space and we headed back to Bobby’s. As nightfall hit Dean pulled off to the side of the road and I followed suit. Sam got out and walked over to the Impala and the boys started building what looked like a funeral pyre. I watched them from my car as they worked, I didn’t want to interrupt them. After about an hour they placed their father’s body on the pyre and covered him in salt before setting the wood ablaze.  Sam had explained to me that this was considered a hunter’s funeral, salting and burning to prevent the spirit from returning.

 

I sat there for a minute before getting out and joining them next to the fire. I went to grab Dean’s hand but he shrugged me off. I chose not to let it bother me and went to hug Sam who was crying silently. There was a lot of tension in the air and I didn’t know what to make of it. I knew they were each silently blaming themselves for their father’s death even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. We stood there for what seemed like hours before I suggested we get back in the cars and continue our way to Bobby’s. We made it there in record time because Dean was once again speeding. Sam and I barely spoke; I knew he needed some space so I kept quiet.

 

It was just after midnight when we reached Bobby’s. After telling him the news he broke out a bottle of whiskey and the four of us spent the next couple of hours drinking and trying to lighten the mood. Finally around three I decided to call it a night and went upstairs to the room I had been occupying. I didn’t even bother to change, I was too tired to get the duffle bag from my car, so I pulled off my pants and Dean’s sweatshirt and crawled under the blankets. I switched off the light and tried my hardest to fall asleep.

 

It wasn’t long before I felt the bed dip next to me and the familiar arm wrap around my waist. Dean pulled me against his chest and I could feel his breath against my neck. I was used to this. Ever since that first day in the motel any night that Dean wasn’t spending with some girl he picked up at a bar he was spending in bed with me. It hurt knowing that he only did this because he slept better next to someone and not because he actually had feelings for me and wanted to spend the night next to me. I let it happen, however, because if I was being perfectly honest I slept better with him next to me as well.

 

I slipped out from underneath Dean’s arm an hour later completely unable to sleep. I had too much going through my mind. I pulled on my pants and Dean’s sweatshirt once more and made my way outside. I sat down on Bobby’s front steps, much like I did the previous night, and lit a cigarette. I just sat there in silence watching the stars for a few minutes when I heard the front door open. I didn’t even bother to turn around and look at who it was until I felt them sit down next to me. I glanced over and saw Sam sitting with a cup of coffee in his hands. I smiled at him and went back to my stargazing.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked after a few minutes.

 

“Nah,” I said with a shrug, “too much on my mind.”

 

“Like what?” he asked taking a sip from the steaming mug.

 

“Nothing I need to bother you with,” I said exhaling a stream of smoke above my head.

 

“Arya, you’re basically my best friend,” Sam said with a laugh, “you can talk to me.”

 

“It’s just stupid shit,” I replied, “really. You don’t have to worry about it.”

 

“Believe me, it’s probably not stupid and to be completely honest I need to take my mind off of my own thoughts,” Sam said, “So please, talk to me.”

 

I thought about it for a minute. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to tell him, he didn’t need to hear my drone on about my feelings for his brother and that I had finally learned what our connection was. I got lost in my own thoughts and I felt him nudge my shoulder with his and I let out a sigh.

 

“Fine,” I said, “I couldn’t sleep because Bobby figured out what that connection me and Dean have is.”

 

“What is it?” he said clearly interested.

 

“Soul mates,” I said looking at him, “they have to be created for a higher purpose and no one knows who creates them. Bobby couldn’t find it in any of the lore, but it’s the reason why every time he’s gone I’m exhausted or why every time he’s in danger I have a full blown panic attack…it’s why when he was dying I felt like a piece of me was dying too. I don’t get it Sam, I don’t know what higher purpose we have or why I was chosen and it’s freaking me out.”

 

“It probably doesn’t help that you’re in love with him either,” Sam said.

 

“No, it doesn’t,” I said with a sigh, “I just…I don’t know what to do, Sam. I have no idea what this fucking higher purpose is and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with him climbing into bed with me just because he gets a better nights sleep than he does when he’s alone.”

 

I started crying half way through my little speech and Sam put down his coffee mug and pulled me close to him.

 

“Everything is gonna work itself out,” he said, “We can do some research between cases and try to figure out exactly who did this to you guys. And as for Dean, he’ll come around. He cares about you, Arya, more than you realize. He loves you; he just hasn’t figured it out yet. Have you told him about the whole soul mates thing yet?”

 

“No,” I said, “I figured I would give it a few days.”

 

“That’s probably a good idea,” he said and kissed the top of my head, “why don’t you go try to get some sleep.”

 

I nodded and stood up, flicking my unlit out cigarette into the road.  Sam picked up his coffee mug and followed me back into the house. I walked into the bedroom and leaned against the doorframe smiling slightly as I looked at Dean’s sleeping form. I just hoped that Sam was right about him coming around, I wasn’t sure just how much more of this I could take.


	9. oo9;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _Carve your name in a black stone_   
>  _Swear to god we won't let go_   
>  _If you can't love babe, then you can't hurt_   
>  _We take the good times, with the worst_   
>  _Take your time honey, take your time_   
> 

**Arya’s POV**

I had spent the last few days turning over in my mind how to tell Dean about the soul mate thing. It seemed like every time I tried to tell him something happened. He had been spending a ton of time working on Baby and I knew it was a way to distract himself from the death of his father so I didn’t want to just drop this bomb then. It would ruin the whole cathartic experience for him. I was leaning up against the railing of Bobby’s front porch, with a beer in my hand, just watching him work. I was mesmerized by the way he knew the ins and outs of his car. I was never a handy person, I could barely change my own tire, and so it was pretty impressive to me to see him build the car back from the ground up.

 

As I stood there watching him, debating if I should go over there, I felt someone press a phone to my ear. I jumped at the feeling and looked to see Sam standing there. I gave him a ‘what the fuck’ look and he just told me to listen.

 

_“John, it’s Ellen. Again. Look, don’t be stubborn. You know I can help you, call me.”_

He pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at me, clearly wanting my opinion on it.

 

“Do you know her?” I asked.

 

“No, I didn’t even know dad knew her, he never mentioned her,” Sam said with a shrug, “what do you think?”

 

“I think you need to show it to Dean,” I said with a sigh, “and see what he says. Did you find anything out about this woman?”

 

“I tracked the number and got an address,” he said, “that’s all I’ve got.”

 

“Well it’s better than nothing,” I said taking a sip from my beer, “see what he says and we will go from there.”

 

I turned back to look at Dean working on the car. Maybe this distraction would be the perfect thing to distract him enough to fill him in on the two of us. I was pulled out of my thoughts once again by Sam.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

 

“I’m fine, Sam,” I said, “Just the same stress I’ve been having for days.”

 

“Are you sure?” he asked, “You just seem a little distant.”

 

“I’m fine,” I said forcing a smile, “really. Just go talk to Dean and report back.”

 

He nodded and I watched him walk off to join Dean. I turned around and walked back inside to get myself another beer. I was coming back out from the kitchen when I practically ran into Sam.

 

“Dean wants to know if we can use your car,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah sure,” I said passing him to head back outside, “he wants to go figure out who this Ellen is?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam said, “but he uh….he wants you to stay here.”

 

“Oh, not this shit again,” I said getting frustrated, “I’m not sitting around here for the next who knows how long, just to have him get himself in some serious shit again! Contrary to popular belief I do NOT like having full blown panic attacks.”

 

“I know,” Sam said sighing, “I tried to tell him you wouldn’t want to stay here but he wouldn’t listen.”

 

I groaned and stomped down the front steps and made my way over to Dean. He was underneath the car and had no idea I was standing there. I kicked him fairly hard in the leg to get his attention.

 

“What the fuck, Arya?!” he said maneuvering himself out from under the car.

 

“I’m sick of this babying shit, Winchester,” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

 

“I’m not babying you!” he said standing up.

 

“Yes you are!” I said, “You want to use my car? I’m going with you.”

 

“I’m just trying to protect you!” he said standing up to his full height, “We don’t know who the hell this woman is!”

 

“I can take care of myself, Dean!” I said and my hands started to shake, “I’ve been doing this with the two of you for almost six months!”

 

I could see he was starting to get pretty pissed off and I myself had never been this angry before. I needed to get myself in check, I knew this was probably something to do with the soul mate thing and it kind of freaked me out because nothing in any of the lore said anything about this.

 

“Yeah, well too bad sweetheart, you’re staying put,” he said with finality.

 

“Like hell I am,” I said trying to calm myself down, “you want my car, I’m going with you.”

 

“Arya—“ Dean started.

 

“No,” I said cutting him off, “that’s the deal. I’ll be inside packing.”

 

I could see that he had given up and I turned to walk back into the house. As I passed Sam I saw the dumbfounded look on his face. I gave him a triumphant smirk and walked back inside. The minute I knew I was away from the boys I went to find Bobby. I needed to tell him about the anger thing.

 

**Dean’s POV**

I waited a few minutes for Arya to cool off before I followed her inside. As I passed Bobby’s study while looking for her I heard talking in hushed voices. I peered through the crack in the door and saw Arya and Bobby pouring over some books.

 

“Are you sure there’s nothing about it in the lore?” she asked him.

 

“Not that I can find,” he said flipping through the pages.

 

“Then are you sure about what it is?” She said throwing her hair up in a bun on top of her head, she was starting to stress out.

 

“There’s no other explanation for it,” Bobby said shutting the book he was in and opened another.

 

“Do you think…do you think that maybe this soul mate thing is bigger than what’s in the books?” she said sitting down on the chair next to the desk, “that maybe there are special circumstances for us? I’ve read all of these books cover to cover and I can’t find anything in them but the basics. This whole anger thing…I’ve never felt like that before, I wanted to strangle him and…never mind.”

 

“You might be right,” Bobby replied looking over at her, “there are only a handful of these soul mates recorded since the fall of ancient Greece. Things could have gotten lost in translation. Have you told him?”

 

“No, not yet,” she said bringing her knees to her chest, “he’s got so much on his mind right now, I don’t want to add this to it.”

 

“I get it,” Bobby said nodding at her.

 

“Thanks, Bobby,” she said slowly getting out of the chair, “I’m gonna go finish packing.”

 

He nodded at her again and she made her way to the door. I rushed into the living room and watched her walk up the stairs. Soul mates? That’s what this was? I had to admit it made sense and it definitely explained why I also had felt like my blood was boiling while I was fighting with her. I ran my fingers through my hair and decided to go talk to her. As I walked into the bedroom she was folding her clothes and putting them neatly into her duffle bag. I watched her for a minute before clearing my throat.

 

“What?” she spat at me.

 

“Relax,” I said putting my hands up, “I’m not here to fight with you.”

 

“Then what do you want?” she said with a sigh dropping a pair of jeans into the bag.

 

“I wanted to apologize,” I said closing the gap between us, “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. You’re right; you’re more than capable of holding your own. I won’t try and keep you from hunts anymore.”

 

“Thank you,” she said and smiled, “you should start packing. We should probably leave soon.”

 

I nodded at her as she zipped up the duffle bag and slung it over her shoulder. She exited the room and I started gathering my things. As I packed in silence I let myself think about everything I heard before. It made me see Arya in a different way. I wasn’t protecting her because she hadn’t been doing this for long, no I realized I was protecting her because losing her would be like losing a piece of me. I was finally starting to understand why she rushed all the way to the hospital for me, why she was insisting to join us no matter where we went. She didn’t want anything to happen to me either. To be completely honest it kind of freaked me out, being tied to one person forever.

 

I knew in the end, eventually we would be together. Clearly that’s what fate had in mind, but I wasn’t quite ready for that just yet. I stuffed the last of my belongings into the bag and made my way out to the car. She was right about one thing if we were going we needed to leave soon.


	10. o10;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _You try to breathe, you try to save it_   
>  _But it marks your skin, until they break it_   
>  _Well could you call when_   
>  _They're taking all that you left for me_
> 
> **A/N:** there will be some light smut in this chapter :)

**Arya’s POV**

We had been driving for hours when we finally pulled up in front of what looked like an abandoned bar. The sign above the door read, Harvelle’s Road House, and I put the mustang in park. I looked to Dean sitting in the passenger seat next to me, silently asking him if I should get out of the car. He turned to look at Sam and the younger Winchester nodded. I made to get out of the car but Dean stopped me just as my hand touched the door handle.

 

“I’m not keeping you from going in there,” he said noticing the look I was giving him, “just let us check it out first. I’ll come out to let you know it’s safe.”

 

Something about him was off. He was respecting what I had said earlier and he wasn’t being stern with me. It felt weird but I decided just to go along with it and nodded at him as he and Sam exited the car. I lit a cigarette as I watched them enter the building. I sat there for five minutes just staring at the front door, wondering what was happening inside and why Dean hadn’t come back out. I felt the familiar anxiety beginning to take hold and decided I wasn’t going to sit in the car any longer.

 

I got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me. I stuffed my gun in the back of my pants and stomped out my cigarette before making my way toward the front door. I pushed the door open slowly and made my way inside. The heads of all five people at the bar snapped in my direction and the older brunet’s face hardened at the sight of me and I reached for my gun. She was about to say something when Dean cut her off.

 

“She’s with us,” Sam said and I removed my hand from my gun.

 

The woman nodded at me and I made my way over to the bar.

 

“Names Ellen,” she said and began gesturing to the other two people at the bar, “that’s my daughter, Jo. And that’s Ash.”

 

Jo gave me a tight smile and Ash winked at me. I gave them both a slight wave and sat down on the bar stool next to Sam.

 

“I’m Arya,” I said.

 

“Ash can track the demon,” Sam said turning to me.

 

“Really?” I said perking up at the sound of good news, “that’s fantastic. I can’t wait to get my hands on that son of a bitch.”

 

“Seems like he took something from you too,” Ellen said.

 

“That’s an understatement,” I scoffed.

 

Ellen handed me a beer and the five of us sat around talking for a few more minutes. Dean made his way to another table and Jo went over and talked to him. I sat silently next to Sam and tried to ignore what I knew was happening. He was flirting with her and she was doing it right back. I couldn’t hear them but I could feel it in my bones and it made me sick. I downed the rest of my beer and honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I took a chance and glanced over at them and saw Dean smile at her and I honestly thought my stomach contents were going to land right on top of the bar. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the feeling I recognized as jealousy at bay, and asked Ellen for another beer. She obliged and I tried my hardest to keep my mind off of what was transpiring behind me as I talked to Sam.

 

Sam could sense my discomfort and asked Ellen about the envelope behind the bar knowing the prospect of a case would take my mind off of Dean. She handed the file over and Sam and I flipped through it. A few families had gone missing after being at the local carnival and we figured we would give it a shot. Sam called Dean over and showed him the file and the three of us agreed we would take the case.

 

The case went off with only some minor injuries and stress and we had managed to rid the world of a rakshasa. Afterward the three of us made our way back to the roadhouse before heading back to Bobby’s. I stood at the pool table playing a solo game as I nursed my beer. Sam came over to me a minute later and I saw Dean talking to Jo. I felt my stomach twisting in knots as I overheard their conversation.

 

“Am I gonna see you again?” she asked him as he sipped his beer.

 

“Do you want to?” he questioned.

 

I knew Sam was willing me to concentrate on our newly started pool game but I just couldn’t.

 

“I wouldn’t hate it,” she said looking at him.

 

“Let me be honest with you,” Dean said clearing his throat, “see, normally I’d be hitting on you so fast it’d make your head spin. But, uh, these days…I don’t know.”

 

I didn’t even hear her response as I made my way out of the bar. I stood outside and lit a cigarette and tried to stop my hands from shaking. I couldn’t help feeling like this but at this moment in time I wanted nothing more than to not feel it. I knew Dean could do whatever he pleased but it didn’t stop this stupid connection from taking control. I loved Dean, I really did, and I knew that if you loved something you had to let it go but being soul mates really fucked me on that. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t let him go.

 

The boys met me out front not too much later and informed me that Ash had managed to set up a tracker for the demon and that he would contact us if he had any information. As we got into my car I put myself in a better mood from hearing that news and pushed everything with Dean and Jo out of my mind. As we drove the sky grew darker and I knew we would need to crash at a motel for the night. We were all exhausted from the hunt and needed to recharge.

 

We got two separate motel rooms, like we always did, and I made my way into my room as the boys went into theirs. I put my pajamas on and crawled under the covers and pulled my journal out of my duffle bag. I spent the next hour or so writing, doing my best to calm myself down enough to sleep, but nothing was working. I closed my journal and tried to let myself fall asleep naturally when I heard a knock at the door.

 

To be honest I was expecting it. Dean had been spending most nights in my bed. What I was not expecting was his lips crashing into mine with an urgent force as soon as I opened the door. Dean didn’t even bother breaking the kiss to close the door he just kicked it shut. As the door closed he was backing me into the wall, all the while kissing from my mouth down my neck and toward my collarbone. He didn’t even give me a chance to think about what was happening as my back pressed against the wall. He used his legs to separate mine and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

 

I had finally gained control of my senses and realized what was happening. With that came my primal need to have him closer to me. I kissed him back with force and tangled my hands in his hair. He used his body to hold me against the wall as he grabbed at the hem of my shirt. He pulled it over my head in one fluid motion, our lips only parting for a moment to let the thin fabric pass between them. I had never felt both more vulnerable and comfortable in that moment. The vulnerability came as I was wearing only black lace panties and the comfort came in this happening with Dean.

 

I had been imagining this exact moment for weeks and I had to say that reality was far better than what my mind had cooked up. He grabbed my breast in his hand and kneaded it roughly, which earned a moan from me. This only seemed to excite him more as I felt him smiling into the kiss he was placing against my neck. I fumbled with the hem of his t-shirt and he carried me over to the bed allowing me to have some movement. As soon as my back hit the mattress I took the opportunity to pull his shirt above his head.

 

I had seen Dean without a shirt countless times before but this time was different. I smiled at the sight of his toned body but he didn’t allow the smile to stay there long. His lips were against mine in seconds and I had lost the ability to think clearly once again. He kissed his way down my chest and took my already hard nipple in his mouth. As he licked and sucked I arched my body into his and this just seemed to spur him on. I tried to get myself thinking clearly for a moment so I could unbutton his pants. He seemed to understand what I was trying to do and raised his hips from where they were pressed against mine to give me better access. I undid the button and zipper in one fluid motion and he kicked his shoes and pants off. He positioned one of his legs between mine and made his way to my other breast. My breathing was beginning to quicken and in that instant I knew I needed him, and I needed him now.

 

He seemed to sense what I was feeling and kissed his way down my body stopping at the top of my underwear. He smirked up at me, the green of his eyes barely visible as his pupils were blown wide with lust, and took the top of the lace in his teeth. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he tore the underwear away from my body. He clumsily freed himself from the only fabric still covering him and kissed his way up my inner thighs. His hot breath against my skin sent shivers down my spine and my need for him seemed to only increase.

 

“Dean,” I breathed out, “I need you.”

 

In an instant he was on top of me, his lips crashing into mine again as he pushed himself inside me slowly. At this point I was aching for him and I begged him to give me what I needed. He was completely inside me quicker than I thought was possible and I found myself gasping at the pleasure I was feeling. I had had sex before, it wasn’t like I was the Virgin Mary, but something about this was different. It was electric. He seemed to know exactly what I wanted and exactly what I needed without me having to say a word.

 

With each thrust I could feel his need for me growing. His pace quickened and I felt yet another moan growing in the base of my throat. The desperate moan finally escaped my lips as he brought me closer to the edge. Within seconds I felt the coil winding in my core snap and my body convulsed under his. My hips bucked into his, meeting every thrust as I rode out my orgasm and he finally succumbed to his.

 

Our breathing was heavy and our bodies were slick with sweat when he collapsed on top of me. He was surprisingly heavy but his weight felt like a comfort I hadn’t had before. We took a minute to catch our breath before he rolled off of me. He ran his fingers through his hair and I turned to face him. He kissed me again, this time tenderly as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. He then got out of bed and pulled his underwear back on before climbing under the covers. I followed suit and searched through my bag for a fresh pair of underwear. I put them on and grabbed Dean’s t-shirt off of the floor. I pulled it over my head and crawled into the bed next to him. He pulled me close to him and I laid my head on his chest. The sound of his heart beat and the steady rhythm of his breathing lulled me to sleep as I though about what consequences this evening would have on our relationship.


End file.
